The Baby Cheese Incident, and Other Parenting Fails (Vol. 1)

I’ve been trying to write this for a few days, but Tyler prefers that I attend to him.  He’s been a bit fussy this morning, so I decided, hey if you’re going to cry anyway, I’m going to vacuum.  He fell asleep in his bouncy seat watching me.  Sigh.

The hospital told us not to worry about bathing Tyler too often in the early days.  There was his umbilical stump to contend with, not to mention the circumcision.  We did the sponge bath thing occasionally, as well as baby wipe baths.  Then he got older, his stump fell off, and he was perfectly able to take a bath in his pink bath tub.  Except we were kind of lazy about it.  We’d get home later than we thought, or he’d fall asleep unexpectedly in the evening.  So, he didn’t get a real bath for awhile.  This pattern continued for weeks. Continues, I should say.  How dirty can he really get when he’s always being held, in his car seat, or on the playmat?

tyler duck towel 6 wks

Disgusting, is the answer.  Plenty of friends warned us about neck cheese, that nasty buildup that occurs in baby neck folds from dripped milk and errant spit up.  Eric (the bathmaster) scrubs his neck and behind his ears very well.  So it was a mystery when I dried Tyler with his adorable duck towel and rooted around for pajamas that he kind of stunk.  Reeked, actually.  I sniffed his teeny body up and down and finally discovered something so putrid I can hardly admit it.  The folds at the top of his thighs were dirty. Repulsive.  Filled with a whitish goo that was probably days weeks worth of pee, sweat, spit up, and diaper fuzz.  It was nasty.  I felt so bad for the poor kid and we swore not to let it happen again.  Fail #1.

Don't you hate it when you have spit up in your ear?
Don’t you hate spit up in your ear?

Fail #2 has occurred, horrifically, on three occasions:  We drove around without buckling Tyler’s seatbelt.  Shamefully easy to do.  We’re walking him in the stroller, he’s asleep with a blanket over the car seat, we un-click from the stroller and re-click him into the car seat base…and drive off.  We get to our destination, go to get him out of the car, and our hearts sink.  How could we do that?!  Unlike upper leg cheese, this is actually illegal and we swore not to let it happen again, for reals.

Fail #3 belongs to me alone.  Tyler isn’t in any danger, but it’s an emotional fail that upsets me.  Like many moms, I combat the boredom (admit it, it is after awhile!) of nursing by playing on my phone.  I’m not sure there’s any articles on Huffpost that I haven’t read.  And of course Facebook.  And recently, I’ve looked away from the screen to glance at Tyler…and he’s watching me.  He’s watching me NOT watch him.  It’s heartbreaking, those tiny eyes looking at me while mine are “liking” somebody else’s baby photos.  I know he doesn’t know what I’m up to, but he does know that I’m not paying attention to him.  And that can’t happen again.  I’m sorry, Mr. T!

On a lighter note, here’s Fail #4.

tyler dog hair

We were enjoying an afternoon in the backyard, and I was brushing Lilly.  There was hardly any breeze, but when I looked over at Tyler, who was happily lounging on his playmat, a clump of Lilly’s fur was stuck to his mouth.  Oops!


4 Replies to “The Baby Cheese Incident, and Other Parenting Fails (Vol. 1)”

  1. You are an honest mom who will make lots of mistakes…we ALL do! Let it Go….God forgives your failures and TYler…well, he doesn’t know any different! He will still love you!

  2. The day before I read this, Emma rolled herself right off the bed…where I put her. Sigh. She seems to have no permanent damage! Still making rookie mistakes on round 2 of children.

  3. Awe! Great entry! Totally on point! My mom told me about your blog! Laura is my sis-in-law too! We’ve been there done that all! The best was cleaning her ears with a baby safe Q-Tip 3 months AFTER she was born for the first time— her ears appeared clean for months, but when we swabbed it in the crevices, it was like a Midwest gold excavation!

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