Goodbye, Lilly

Lilly, living her best life in Quarantine.

Every day has been the same these last few weeks, until today. At 2:20am, Lilly went to be with Nana. We are so glad she was fine, until she wasn’t. Tuesday was just another day for our old gal–two square meals, lots of playtime with Tyler and Salem, and a nice long walk during which she pulled on the leash as hard as ever. Wednesday morning we woke up to the evidence of a sick dog all over the basement, which isn’t all that unusual for Lilly, who occasionally treated herself to a piece of mulch or something dead. We also though the kids may have been feeding her too much people food as they’ve been playing “dogs” for a few weeks and often have little food dishes of Cheerios strewn about the house. But by Wednesday evening, Lilly was very lethargic and just not acting like herself. We are fortunate that our vet is a childhood friend of Eric’s who also happens to be our neighbor, so she came for a house call at about 9pm. During the time the vet was there, Lilly became much more sick. Her heartbeat was irregular and her breathing was labored. We realized something was wrong, much more than an upset tummy. Eric took her to the emergency vet and we discovered she had a pericardial infection. There wasn’t anything we could do, nor anything we could have done differently. We hoped to stabilize her overnight so we could bring her home in the morning for whatever would come next. But, the 24/7 vet called us at 1:30am and told us Lilly’s heart was getting worse, not better, and that we should come in if we wanted to. We woke up the kids and visited with Lilly one more time. We had our last family snuggle at 2:20am.

Eric found Lilly online in mid-2008. He wanted a dog to help him find a girlfriend (and hike and hang out with him in Minturn, of course). At the time, Vail employees could bring their dogs to work, and Eric did just that, walking her through the Village daily while onlookers admired such an adorable puppy. He did an excellent job training her and Lilly remained a well-behaved dog. Sure, she ate a pen, and cut her paw on glass in the river, and nearly died after impaling herself on a log while we were searching for a Christmas tree. One hundred fifty stitches and 35 staples later, she was fine. When Eric and I met in late 2008, he had Lilly on her leash. How could I resist such a cute puppy?

Lilly lived with us in Minturn, Edwards, and finally Erie. She was our only little love for years. We brought her home a free stuffed animal from the furniture store to be her friend, but she ate him.

Jumping for snowballs, April 2020

Lilly hiked countless trails and summited many peaks with Eric. She was athletic and never slowed down. Eric has dozens of photos documenting all of their trips. Lilly even road-tripped to Ohio in 2010, where Macie, my parents’ golden retriever, taught her how to jump off the boat. Lilly loved adventure, same as us. She was always game for a walk and could hear us jangling her collar on the hall tree from anywhere in the house and she’d come running, ready to go. She loved playing in the snow. She adored Tyler and Salem and was kind and gentle with all children. There will be another post of Lilly photos because it’s going to take some time to find them all–we weren’t ready for this.

Our kids have always gotten along with Lilly, but during Quarantine Togetherness Time (QTT), they positively adored her. Lilly was the third amigo in their games of playing pretend and rarely didn’t participate. She let Salem sit on her, cover her with blankets, read to her, and walk her in endless loops around the house and backyard (something about clipping and unclipping Lilly’s leash and harness is irresistible to Salem). Tyler didn’t just play with Lilly, he pretended to be a dog right alongside her. He drank water out of a bowl and ate snacks without using his hands to be just like her.

Lilly is a part of our family and is in most of our family photos. The kids even made a snowdog of her after our last snowfall.

Hiking Mt Sanitas in Boulder
April 2020
Also April 2020
Our Snow Family

Like most families, every morning during Regular Life tended to be rushed–getting up, getting ready, chores, eating, out the door. But in our slowed-down QTT life, at about 7am, the kids like to come jump into bed with us for a family snuggle. Lilly, too. The five of us laughing and tickling and always making sure Lilly didn’t swipe anyone too hard with her paw. That was hard this morning–the quiet. And Salem, at 3 1/2, asking where Lilly was because she doesn’t understand or maybe doesn’t even remember last night. Tyler thought to take a photo magnet of Lilly outside to play today, so she could still be there with us. It will get better every day, we know, but today is hard. It just rained and Tyler is out looking for a rainbow, which is something we all could use right now.

In 2020, My Last Mother’s Day In My 30s

I’ve worn the dress before. In high school, in 1998, when long dresses were in, it fit me perfectly. Which doesn’t make sense, because I’m at least four inches taller than my mom ever was, but some things in life just don’t make sense. Probably, she wore heels, and I wore Birkenstocks (in 1998, and now, because everything old is new again). I’ll keep it for Salem, because if the dress has survived the last 40+ years, it’s clearly made from some space-age 1970s synthetic fabric and should last forever.

My mom kept a lot of my clothes from when I was very young. I’ll never know if what she kept was specifically because she had pictures of me wearing it, or because she loved it, or because she just kept lots of stuff. Lots. I know my mom would adore seeing Salem in these outfits, so I’ve done my best to make sure I take photos of her wearing them. Some are obvious choices to have kept–sailor dresses, fancy Christmas clothes, something I wore on my birthday. Some are seemingly random–a classic 80s graphic tshirt, a nightgown. Is there a story behind these items? Did she tell me and I forgot, or did I never ask? Likely, she was planning on telling me as Salem grew old enough to wear the clothes.

The bathing suit photo hung for a long time in our house. Who takes their two-year-old to Olan Mills for an indoor bathing suit shoot? Was this a thing? I’ll never know. But my mom loved this photo. She even kept the towel. So naturally, I took Salem to JC Penney for a re-creation. Salem is only a couple of months older than I was (both about 2 1/2), but is much taller with much more hair!

I wore this wool sailor dress for my 3rd birthday as dutifully noted on the back of the 3×5 prints. I actually forgot to put this on Salem in November on her birthday, so her photos are from February and again you can see she is so much taller than I was! That dress was to my knees and is barely covering her bum. Also–ascot, sash, whatever.

This nightgown is one of Salem’s current favorites. I’m guessing my mom kept it because she really did catch me with my hand stuck in the cookie jar–and took a picture of me crying on the counter. Check out that early microwave! We were fancy in Lakewood, Ohio.

There are plenty of reasons why this Mother’s Day isn’t what I thought it would be. (Could be? Should be?)

We’re in the midst of a global pandemic. Today we are at home, playing inside and outside, and eating home-cooked food, like we have every day for the past eight weeks.

Eric is actually home. We have a running joke that he’s always gone hiking for Mother’s Day, and I’m always with the kids in Ohio for Father’s Day. But this year, we’re all together.

My mom isn’t here. I spent my first Mother’s Day with her here in Colorado, and my second I went to Ohio with Tyler and told her I was pregnant with Salem. She didn’t get to see me as a mother of two on Mother’s Day.

Jess is coming over later, with her dad and Sean and Jack. Because her mom isn’t here to celebrate with us, either. She got two Mother’s Days with three generations, same as me.

2020 is my last year in my 30s. Forty is out there. I am so proud of Tyler and Salem and how they made me a mom, and me and Eric parents, and us a family. But I still miss my mom.