Nana – Welcome to Hollewood

May 10, 2020May 10, 2020

In 2020, My Last Mother’s Day In My 30s

My mom, on her way to a wedding in 1976 with my dad.

I’ve worn the dress before. In high school, in 1998, when long dresses were in, it fit me perfectly. Which doesn’t make sense, because I’m at least four inches taller than my mom ever was, but some things in life just don’t make sense. Probably, she wore heels, and I wore Birkenstocks (in 1998, and now, because everything old is new again). I’ll keep it for Salem, because if the dress has survived the last 40+ years, it’s clearly made from some space-age 1970s synthetic fabric and should last forever.

My mom kept a lot of my clothes from when I was very young. I’ll never know if what she kept was specifically because she had pictures of me wearing it, or because she loved it, or because she just kept lots of stuff. Lots. I know my mom would adore seeing Salem in these outfits, so I’ve done my best to make sure I take photos of her wearing them. Some are obvious choices to have kept–sailor dresses, fancy Christmas clothes, something I wore on my birthday. Some are seemingly random–a classic 80s graphic tshirt, a nightgown. Is there a story behind these items? Did she tell me and I forgot, or did I never ask? Likely, she was planning on telling me as Salem grew old enough to wear the clothes.

The bathing suit photo hung for a long time in our house. Who takes their two-year-old to Olan Mills for an indoor bathing suit shoot? Was this a thing? I’ll never know. But my mom loved this photo. She even kept the towel. So naturally, I took Salem to JC Penney for a re-creation. Salem is only a couple of months older than I was (both about 2 1/2), but is much taller with much more hair!

I wore this wool sailor dress for my 3rd birthday as dutifully noted on the back of the 3×5 prints. I actually forgot to put this on Salem in November on her birthday, so her photos are from February and again you can see she is so much taller than I was! That dress was to my knees and is barely covering her bum. Also–ascot, sash, whatever.

This nightgown is one of Salem’s current favorites. I’m guessing my mom kept it because she really did catch me with my hand stuck in the cookie jar–and took a picture of me crying on the counter. Check out that early microwave! We were fancy in Lakewood, Ohio.

There are plenty of reasons why this Mother’s Day isn’t what I thought it would be. (Could be? Should be?)

We’re in the midst of a global pandemic. Today we are at home, playing inside and outside, and eating home-cooked food, like we have every day for the past eight weeks.

Eric is actually home. We have a running joke that he’s always gone hiking for Mother’s Day, and I’m always with the kids in Ohio for Father’s Day. But this year, we’re all together.

My mom isn’t here. I spent my first Mother’s Day with her here in Colorado, and my second I went to Ohio with Tyler and told her I was pregnant with Salem. She didn’t get to see me as a mother of two on Mother’s Day.

Jess is coming over later, with her dad and Sean and Jack. Because her mom isn’t here to celebrate with us, either. She got two Mother’s Days with three generations, same as me.

2020 is my last year in my 30s. Forty is out there. I am so proud of Tyler and Salem and how they made me a mom, and me and Eric parents, and us a family. But I still miss my mom.

July 17, 2018

Salem: Nine Months

Salem rocked nine months in this adorable 80s romper that was, of course, mine. I just love her happy expressions and her Kate Gosselin hairdo (slicked to the side in the front, spiky in the back!) The tiny tree in the background is a gift from Katie & Molly in honor of Nana…a perfect place to take photos of her mini.

Here are some more photos of Salem at nine months.

Tyler definitely didn’t have bomb pops at 9 months old

More red, white, and blue bathing fashion

Sleeping? Crying? Avoiding eating? Probably all of the above.

The only toy she needs is a cup of letters and markers to dump out.

I think it’s fair to say she loves bomb pops and Tyler!

Funny faces in my favorite Tyler-romper at the water table

Very helpful unloading the dishwasher, just like Tyler. If you like your silverware licked.

Her Olivia Newton John “Let’s Get Physical” look

At a wedding in Vail wearing newborn sized golden Mary Janes

She made this face SO often and I only ever caught it in a video, hence the blurry frame!

Don’t you practice the splits in rompers with a car on your head at a brewery?

Lots of playing in the toilet, something Tyler NEVER did

I was so sad when she grew out of this sleeper

Our little ladybug at Tyler’s soccer game

Total second child noshing on ice cream at nine months old…I am certain that Tyler did not enjoy this luxury!

She is crawling like a boss (and wearing a handmade sweater that was mine!)

Salem is starting to walk pushing the walker and her hair is getting longer by the minute. She is still definitely not sleeping through the night!

August 27, 2017August 27, 2017

Salem: Nine Months

The last time I posted “basket photos” of Salem was when she turned three months old. I had taken her four-month photos right before we left for Cleveland for Spring Break (a couple of days early, in fact, just to be sure). I hadn’t yet gotten around to posting them when my mom died.

And then I just couldn’t. Every month I have diligently taken her basket photos, but it hurt too much to think about posting or writing. So now that we’re effectively six months behind, I’m going to post them, starting with Nine Months–how old she is now. Then I’ll go back to Four Months and catch up.

At nine months old, Salem is crawling like a crazy toddler with a whistle is chasing her. Oh wait, she actually IS crawling like a crazy toddler named Tyler is chasing her with a whistle he unearthed from a pile of ten-cent toys in his room. Video of that to come.

She loves to eat, and it’s like Eric and I are feeding a baby for the first time, because Tyler almost never ate food. We tried and he wasn’t into it and drank plenty of breastmilk so we didn’t push it. So, we didn’t know what it was like to have a messy baby in a high chair. Or what to feed a baby with no teeth. Salem is a pig, and a messy pig at that. Organic homemade baby food blends? Pshaw. This girl eats Chick-fil-A, collard greens, salmon, ice cream, pickles, and Lord knows what else. She has yet to decline anything. Still, she’s only about 15 pounds and rocking 3 month onesies. She must burn a lot of calories crawling away from Mr. Whistlepants.

I have a box of baby dresses that were mine. My mom used them to decorate for my baby shower when I was pregnant with Tyler (we didn’t know what we were having) and then brought the box out to us one time when my parents drove to Colorado. I hadn’t thought much about them after Tyler was born (for obvious reasons) but after Salem was born I was excited to drag them out. I knew they were bigger, though, mostly 12 months and up, so I hadn’t done it yet when my mom visited after Salem was born. I so, so, so wish we could have gone through that box together. I know my mom would have loved to remember when I was a baby and wore them 36 years ago and would have loved even more to see Salem wear them.

The romper she is wearing in her photos was mine. She wore the coordinating dress to church last week. I’m actually surprised how well these clothes have held up baking in a 100-degree attic at my parents house for over 30 years. I think she looks adorable in this vintage outfit.

Tyler, who lately has been resisting looking at the camera, tried to get into every one of these photos. Salem obviously loved sharing her shoot with him.

August 15, 2017August 15, 2017

Four Months

It’s been four months today since my mom died.

There’s so much to freak out about it’s impossible to write it all down.

One strange fact I can’t let go of: Salem was about 4 1/2 months old when she lost her Nana, whom I know loved her the most. Salem is now almost 9 months old. I have taken comfort in the fact that Nana knew Salem for more than half of her tiny, short, just-beginning life. She loved her for 4 1/2 months.

Two weeks after my mom died, I could still stay that she knew Salem for most of her wild baby life. Two months after my mom died, I could still say that she knew Salem for more than half of her bold little life. But very soon, the math will turn around. 4 1/2 + 4 1/2 = 9. After Salem is 9 months old, my mom will have known her for less than half of her sweet, perfect life. As time goes on, the overlap between Salem’s life and my mom’s will become very, very tiny. A dot on the timeline of both of their lives.

My mom spent a little over two weeks, total, with Salem.

She held her when she was 8 days old:

She held her for a week at Christmas:

And she held her in March when we visited Cleveland over Spring Break:

I have maybe a hundred, or more, photos of my mom with Tyler. But this is all I have of my mom with Salem. Five photos. Five photos of my mom and my bitty baby who is her mini-me.

It’s the lips, and her smile. We see her Nana in her every day. Even Tyler calls it out when he sees her “Bonnieface.” I can’t believe my mom isn’t here to see her grow up. Tyler, either, but even at 2 1/2 she could have a conversation with him, play with him, read books with him. They say he won’t remember, but he might surprise us all. Salem doesn’t have a chance.

She has five photos.