The 12 Days of Waiting

Twelve days until Chandler is due.  That is, of course, provided we make it until our due date.  I thought I would have blogged so much more about being pregnant, but as it turned out, I didn’t have a whole lot to report.  I feel spectacular, and Chandler is healthy. I don’t think anyone wants to read post after post about yoga, hiking, traveling, and eating donuts…right?  As big of a deal as it was for us to [finally] get pregnant, pregnancy has been a breeze.

Not that I haven’t had my moments.  Pre-pregnancy, Eric has known me to be laughing about something, and then it turns to tears, and back to laughing, and I’m not really ever sure why.  Except when this happened a few weeks ago, I did know exactly why I couldn’t stop laugh-crying.  Because I was so upset that once the baby came out I couldn’t put it back in.  This struck me as so absurd/terrifying that I was stuck in a practically eternal loop of laughing and crying.

I think because getting pregnant was our focus for so long, it took me quite some time to accept actually being pregnant.  I managed to hide it at work until almost 16 weeks.  And because I never felt anything, sick or otherwise, I just had trouble physically feeling pregnant.  I didn’t really start to embrace the whole situation until probably our 22-week ultrasound.  So, I didn’t really start thinking about actually having the baby until…now?

Yes, we went to a birthing class.  And a breastfeeding class.  And took a tour.  But tonight, we went to what Good Samaritan calls Labor Lab.  We got an extensive rundown of positioning, the bathtub, the crazy bed with the birthing handlebar.  And it occurred to me, tonight, OMIGOSH I will be back in here, in labor, very, very soon!  I know it’s bizarre, but for the first time I really thought about what that will be like for us.  Which room will be ours?  What will I be wearing?  Can I eat?  Am I going to have a laugh-crying fit from the certain impending torturous pain?

Will I miss being pregnant?  Yes, definitely.  I’ll admit it, I love strangers stopping to talk to me and grocery store checkout people asking if I need help out to the car.  I love having a completely different wardrobe comprised entirely of stretchy waistbands and dresses.  I love, love, love feeling Chandler move.  (The term “kick” is underrated.  This child already has my freakish limb strength and Eric’s disturbing level of stamina.)

So now I have 12 days to get used to the idea of labor and delivery.  While we were on the L&D floor, we saw a new family leaving to go home together.  Mom being pushed in a wheelchair, and Dad pushing baby in a stroller.  I peeked at the baby–so tiny, so new! I’ve held a thousand babies.  I’ve changed newborn diapers.  And still, my only thought was, OMIGOSH they send the baby home with us?!?!?!  I guess I should start thinking about that, too…